What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 04:28
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So, i spoilt her more .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She loved him until the end.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Bicycling tied to reduced dementia risk and greater hippocampal volume retention - Medical Xpress
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Over 3,000 Private Credit Deals From Just 20 Analysts Raise Questions on Wall Street - Bloomberg.com
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was in good health!
Has anyone been spanked by their parents after becoming an adult?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I could never make a relationship work though!
The big, bad bond market could derail Trump’s big, beautiful bill - vox.com
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She married twice! .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why did i forgive my father ?
When she asked me how she looked .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Dolorum fugit ut molestiae voluptatem minima non.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Real TikTokers are pretending to be Veo 3 AI creations for fun, attention - Ars Technica
Especially a lifetime of it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Popular Processed Foods Linked to Early Signs of Parkinson’s Disease - SciTechDaily
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Asperiores culpa provident similique ab.
I will be 64.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was scared of men, in general
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was 9 years of age.
Comes on , in middle age.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And i lived it daily.
Im still living with it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I write beautiful poetry .
(And it was in our own minds.)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Put me off passion for life!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He resisted the act ,that day.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Would this be the day?
We all went to grammer schools
She found it foreign!.
I have no regrets .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Who then, do I blame.?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I think the readers, may guess!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What did i know ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it wasn’t much.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
All the time i was locked up.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He knew the spot.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was seconnd youngest,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was very sick at this time too.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It was going to be , some day.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I said to her
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I don,t even have a pension.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot live in the past .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My life is so biszare .
As i do to all so called friends.?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I waited trembling.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So whats the point in blame.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?